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‘Little Miss’ Category

  1. American Bible?

    January 7, 2010 by Wendy

    Last night, in an attempt at sticking to one of my New Year’s resolutions of bringing more religious education into our home, I read Little Miss the story of creation from a children’s Bible. There were a lot of words and no pictures on the first page, so her interest waned pretty early. (Like, about “and on the first day, God said, ‘Let there be light’ ” early.) Even though she was styling her Ariel doll’s hair and bouncing all over the bed as I read, I thought maybe she was absorbing something and kept reading.

    I’m not sure what it was she was absorbing, because when I got to the end, after God had created Adam, and later Eve from one of Adam’s ribs, I thought for sure I’d get some questions about how a woman can be made out of a man’s ribs.


    Instead, I got: “Is Adam the guy with the black nail polish and the black lines all over his eyes?”

    I knew exactly who she was talking about.





    Yep, she thought the Adam was American Idol‘s Adam Lambert, most recently infamous for his less-than-family-friendly antics on the American Music Awards show.

    Her question only cemented that New Year’s resolution of mine. And boy, do I have a looonnggg way to go. When we get to the story of Jonah, I’ll have to remember to clarify ahead of time that we’re not talking about the Jonas Brothers.

  2. Didn’t anyone notice?

    December 29, 2009 by Wendy


    This is what happens when the dad takes the children out alone and the mom is too distracted with wrapping presents, making grocery lists and writing the holiday newsletter to notice what the children are wearing when they leave the house with the dad. The mismatched shoes, the sparkly “Let’s Get Physical” headband, the hair? Really? At least it was only to her sister’s basketball practice.

  3. I am so pretty

    December 15, 2009 by Wendy

    I was at a party with a bunch of moms today, and one of them asked Little Miss, “How did you get to be so pretty?”

    She said: “I don’t know, I just grew up and I was beautiful!”

    And humble.

    Wow. I knew we were in trouble with this one.

  4. It’s all about the hair

    December 15, 2009 by Wendy

    Last night, Twin A was doing one of her American Girl quizzes with Little Miss about what she will be when she grows up. When all her answers pointed to “movie star,” I said, “Wow! Do you want to be a movie star?” wondering if she even knew what a movie star was. (Are there any movie stars anymore anyway?)

    “Yeah,” she said, “but I’d rather be a mom. I just want to be a mom.”

    Awwww,” the twins and I said in unison. That is so sweet to hear and  reinforcement that it really is OK to be “just a mom” sometimes.

    Then she went on with her plans:

    “I’m going to have two kids and their names are going to be Ashley and Sabannah.” (I’m pretty sure she meant “Savannah,” a name that occasionally comes up in the twins’ chatter about school. But Sabannah’s a cute name, too.)

    “But what if you have boys?” I asked. “Then what would you name them?”

    She looked at me like I had just told her that Santa wasn’t coming to town.

    “I only want them to be girls,” she said.

    “But what if God gives you boys? Then what?” I asked.

    “Well, then I will tell you that I wanted them to be girls,” she said, matter-of-factly.

    “And what will I do?”

    “You would return them,” she said.

    I, the queen of returning due to my indecisiveness, wasn’t at all surprised at her answer.

    “You can’t just return a baby like it’s something you return to a store,” I explained.


    And that was that. I think I squelched her dream of being a mom.

    It’s not that she doesn’t like boys, even though she’s growing up in an estrogen-drenched household. It’s all about the hair. She loves long hair. In her mind, if a woman has short hair, she’s a “lady,” and if a woman has long hair, she’s a “girl,” no matter how old they are.

    I am a girl. That’s good, because I’m not ready to be a lady.

    Her grandmothers are “ladies,” the twins’ teachers are “ladies,” but the weathered Safeway cashier with the long gray hair is a “girl.”

    The only problem with this hair thing is only people with long hair can give her a bath or wipe her bottom. Which means there are tears and sometimes constipation when I’m not around to do those things for her.

    Sometimes I think, what if I lose my hair due to illness or a fire or something, then what? Or even if I want to get a shorter hairstyle, for goodness sake!

    “What if I had no hair sometime, or short hair? Would you still love me?” I asked her recently.

    “Um, a little bit. I’ll say a little, OK?”


    This is one phase I hope she outgrows soon. Either that, or she’d better hope that Fabio is available when she’s ready to start dating.

  5. Early development?

    December 13, 2009 by Wendy

    LM 1

    LM 2

    Notice anything in these photos of Little Miss? Yeah, I know. But it’s not what you think. She is not developing early. No way. My girls drink only organic, hormone-free milk and we try to stay away from any products with parabens in them. (They’re said to be endocrine disruptors and may display estrogenic activity.)  I’m a little psycho that way and will do anything to stave off puberty for the sake of us all. So no, it’s not that.

    Little Miss is obsessed with Ariel (the mermaid), and because Ariel wears a bikini top, Little Miss wears a bikini top, all day, every day, all night, underneath all of her clothes and pajamas. Seriously, the only time it’s off is bathtime. And then it goes immediately back on. This has been going on for months.

    You can see it in all her pictures, even when she got all dressed up to sit on Santa’s lap. ”Dang! Her bikini strap is showing!” I noticed while looking at the pictures later. Her favorite bikini top is one that happens to be particularly lumpy, which is why she looks a little um, busty, sometimes. I forget all about it until I notice some of the quizzical stares we get when we’re in public.

    I’m sure this phase will pass soon. But until then, I’m going to let her be Ariel. At least it’s not Barbie. Or worse.

  6. Should I be worried?

    November 25, 2009 by Wendy


    Last night, as I was about to put Little Miss to bed, I pulled back her covers to find this little scene. “Oh, what are your Barbies doing, don’t they know it’s your bedtime?” I asked. “Oh, they’re doing their homework,” she replied matter-of-factly. “But why are they naked?” I asked. “Oh,  just the mean ones are naked,” she said, as if that explained it all. “Why are they mean?” I pressed. “They just get mean when they’re naked, especially the one with the long blond hair.” (Hmm, you mean the one with the hair like mine? I thought.)

    It’s things like this that make me wonder what other people, like my in-laws or my parents, would start conjuring up in their minds about our household if she were to say something like that to them. That concept was pointed out to me years ago when a woman told me that one day when she was watching her granddaughter, the “doll mom” in the dollhouse the little girl was playing with shouted, “Eat your effin’ Cheerios!” to the “doll daughter.” (She didn’t say effin’ though.) “That’s when I figured out that if I wanna know what really goes on in my daughter-in-law’s home,” the woman told me, “get ‘em a dollhouse and watch how they play with the dolls.”

    Well, if that’s true, I guess I’m in big trouble. So for the record, everyone in our household does their homework fully clothed. And I don’t get mean when I’m naked.